Thursday, March 5, 2009

Gadjo Dilo’s Peccadillos

GD likes to think of himself as a decent sort, the type of chap you’d be happy to take home to meet your parents, but, as previously stated, he is also A Man, and as a man he has certain baser desires, cravings, whims, fancies – let’s call them “needs” – that need to be addressed, especially when he’s been overworking...

National Costumes

There’s something attractive about a woman – any woman – in national costume (morris dancers excepted, obviously). I don’t demand that the missus changes into hers on a Saturday night after Match of the Day is over, but I probably wouldn’t object if she did.

Armpits

Armpits?? As I mentioned recently to Daphne Wayne-Bough, I consider the armpit - whether depilated or as sweatily hirsute as nature intended - to be a neglected erogenous zone. If I was a Turkish sultan I could fill each of my concubines’ armpits with half a pound of nutmeg butter and then take tiffin, but I’m not and I can’t think of any woman daft enough to go for this.

Lady Pole-vaulters

I had a thing for ginger, pasty-faced Russian pole-vaulter Svetlana Feofanova - I didn’t stalk her, but was off work sick in a foreign country and reduced to watching Eurosport. I don’t take aesthetic interest in other athletics events – most are just so linear - but pole vault is different. It’s the orgasmic moment when the run up's completed, the pole is straining to the max and then catapults the lass high, high, high into the heavens.

Bandages

Bandages???? In our folk dance class one of the women had a bandage round her for foot for a few weeks; a woman’s foot is hardly her most attractive feature but my eyes were aways drawn to it. What’s that all about?? I reckon it's the protective instinct: I just want to hold their poor bandaged body parts in my strong manly hands and look reassuringly into their eyes saying “It’s alright, little one... I’m here now”.

Woman who Take an Interest in Geometry

In the office where I work there are almost no distractions, but it’s near Cluj Polytechnic and we have a balcony. As I suspect is common in Eastern Europe, a large proportion of the engineering students are girls, and they often pass by with set-squares and t-squares protruding from their satchels - I’d like to think one or two of them have a complete set of French curves in there as well! It’s not that I want them to tell me about minutes and seconds of degrees etc – that would be ghastly – but, you know, just to have a general and healthy appreciation of possible angles.

15 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

A fascinating and entirely healthy set of fetishes. The armpit one is tricky because humans tend to be ticklish in that area. I am surprised you believe Morris dancers wear the English national dress. That is surely bermuda shorts, a bare torso, and a cross of St George painted on the face.

Francis Sedgemore said...

"There’s something attractive about a woman – any woman – in national costume (morris dancers excepted, obviously)"

How very dare you!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

"a woman’s foot is hardly her most attractive feature"

While I am not a foot (or even leg) person myself, I know a few people that would argue this point.

But I concur with you view on the armpit. An important bit of anatomy, indeed.

As for the national dress - nice, but frequently impractical, as far as getting a person out of one is concerned. That is, if we are into practice and not mere theory here.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Er... a side remark - Francis, with all due respect, people have been known to be arrested for links like that one. I mean, fer crying out lewd!

Francis Sedgemore said...

"...people have been known to be arrested for links like that one."

Tis but a charming picture of a comely lass in English national costume.

scarlet-blue said...

Erm... what are the French curves for? I always thought they were something to do with needlework...
I go a bit silly when I read about armpits.
Sx

Brother Tobias said...

There is something strangely moreish about those athletes. I defy any hot-blooded male, overworking or not, to look away from the 200 metres when Alenka Bikar is in the slo-mo.

inkspot said...

"A geometrically minded young maid

Complained that she'd never been laid.

She was also annoyed

That her toy ellipsoid

Increasingly curved as she played."

Gadj, I can't understand this. Could one of your engineers enlighten us?

Kevin Musgrove said...

Lady pole-vaulters? Oh yes. And all the jumping disciplines, too. They tend to involve slim ladies with very long legs. This is something that Eurosport does pick up on very well.

I once was the only male on a St. John Ambulance First Aid course. Three days being tied up in bandages by ladies in a scout hut. Highlight of my working life.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Morning, everybody. I dunno is morris dancers' dress is namtional costume, but thet bladder on the stick probably is. (Actually I used to fancy something rotten a lady who did English folk dancing, so I shouldn't really be so snide about it. Nice pic, Francis! And welcome Snoopy!! We should gbe grateful that weare not enamoured by (lady) bullfighters - apparantly it takes several hours and much talcum powder to those costumes on and off.

Scarlet, French curves may be of use in needlework for all I know, but, and I quote, they are used for "manual drafting to get a smooth curve of varying radii".

Brother T., very true. I'd not heard of Ms Bikar before, and still haven't seen her face as most YouTube contibutors seem to prefer filming her from behind!

Mr Inkspot, well really, I cannot possibly understand what this means and even if I did I would be unable to explain it on this blog, which has a family audience!

Yes, Kev, that's maybe Eurosport's one single worthwhile contribution to society. Ahh, St. Johns ambulance, ladies, bangages, scout huts: I'm I'm seeing a sitcom with Harry Worth, Patricia Routledge and Wee Jimmy Krankie... Su Pollard provides the love interest (don't knock it)!

No Good Boyo said...

You filthy beast.

Not least of your signs of depravity is this phrase:

"a woman’s foot is hardly her most attractive feature"

Snoop is right to say that a discerning gentleman will kill for a glimpse of a well-turned ankle. Take Pushkin and Octave Mirbeau. Please!

Also bear in mind that in my part of Wales the foot is often the only part of a young female that one could certainly identify as human.

Wearing national costume for any purpose other than warped carnality is the sign of an idiot.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Is that lady Morris dancer the sister of Belgium's own Zwarte Piet?

I used to have erotic dreams about Sergei Bubka and his pole. I spent all afternoon yesterday watching Torino 2009 on TV, Dwain Chambers' 60m sprint made me come over quite faint.

Gyppo Byard said...

Too much information.

Although if a cheongsam counts as national costume, I'm with you.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Boyo, of course, I was forgetting that everything seen in the right context is erotic, and the humble foot is indeed no exception. There are plenty of idiots here, if your definition is correct; but, perhaps significantly, they tend to stay in their villages.

Sergei Bubka is a legend, Daphne, and I do hope that when he's gone his pole will be kept preserved in a museum somewhere so future generations may also marvel at it.

Too much information, Gyppo? Come on, if I can't tell you lot who can I tell! :-) The cheongsam looks like it has potential - consider yourself in.

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