Gadjo Dilo’s Peccadillos

GD likes to think of himself as a decent sort, the type of chap you’d be happy to take home to meet your parents, but, as previously stated, he is also A Man, and as a man he has certain baser desires, cravings, whims, fancies – let’s call them “needs” – that need to be addressed, especially when he’s been overworking...

National Costumes

There’s something attractive about a woman – any woman – in national costume (morris dancers excepted, obviously). I don’t demand that the missus changes into hers on a Saturday night after Match of the Day is over, but I probably wouldn’t object if she did.

Armpits

Armpits?? As I mentioned recently to Daphne Wayne-Bough, I consider the armpit - whether depilated or as sweatily hirsute as nature intended - to be a neglected erogenous zone. If I was a Turkish sultan I could fill each of my concubines’ armpits with half a pound of nutmeg butter and then take tiffin, but I’m not and I can’t think of any woman daft enough to go for this.

Lady Pole-vaulters

I had a thing for ginger, pasty-faced Russian pole-vaulter Svetlana Feofanova - I didn’t stalk her, but was off work sick in a foreign country and reduced to watching Eurosport. I don’t take aesthetic interest in other athletics events – most are just so linear - but pole vault is different. It’s the orgasmic moment when the run up's completed, the pole is straining to the max and then catapults the lass high, high, high into the heavens.

Bandages

Bandages???? In our folk dance class one of the women had a bandage round her for foot for a few weeks; a woman’s foot is hardly her most attractive feature but my eyes were aways drawn to it. What’s that all about?? I reckon it's the protective instinct: I just want to hold their poor bandaged body parts in my strong manly hands and look reassuringly into their eyes saying “It’s alright, little one... I’m here now”.

Woman who Take an Interest in Geometry

In the office where I work there are almost no distractions, but it’s near Cluj Polytechnic and we have a balcony. As I suspect is common in Eastern Europe, a large proportion of the engineering students are girls, and they often pass by with set-squares and t-squares protruding from their satchels - I’d like to think one or two of them have a complete set of French curves in there as well! It’s not that I want them to tell me about minutes and seconds of degrees etc – that would be ghastly – but, you know, just to have a general and healthy appreciation of possible angles.