Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Pizza ‘Ere

In communist times Cluj was famous for its pizzeria – yes, just the one – and students who studied here then, of which there were many, felt very privileged to have been through its portals. There are more opportunities now, and though the quality of Romanian pizza rarely rises above “average”, they do make a nice change from the usual, with all the usual suspects such as Margherita, Quattro Stagioni, Hawaiian, etc. But I noticed one here recently called “Bismarck” - is that normal?? And it featured slices of hard-boiled egg. Was The Iron Chancellor known to be fond of pizza? Did the battleship named after him sink because it took on too many hard-boiled eggs at Gotenhafen?? There were other, similarly strangely named ones; I think the menu went something like this:

Bismarck: Hard-boiled eggs (obviously), sausage, sauerkraut, iron.

Tirpitz : The one that never sees a pizza the action! With Operation Sauce.

Graf Spee: A “pocket” pizza, conforming to weight restrictions demanded by the Treaty of Versailles - it packs a punch but will meet its destiny on The Plate.

Hindenburg : A calzone-style pizza, the dough turned over to enclose the tasty, piping-hot hydrogen and then coated with a layer of special, (highly inflammable) anti-glare paint.

Charlemagne: Holy romano pizza. Tomato, mozzarella, oregano, Papal authority.

“Mad” King Ludwig of Bavaria: Prosciutto, anchovies, Coco Pops, baked beans, banana, Marmite.

“Mad” King Otto of Bavaria: Pineapple, sardines, Smarties (but not the blue ones ‘cos they’re bad for you), gravy, Monster Munch.

Kaiser Wilhelm II: Pickled artichoke, pickled gherkins, Pickelhaube.

Adolf Hitler: Vegetarian.

Willy Brandt: (Deep-)Pan-European.

Helmut Kohl: Cabbage.

Gerhard Schröder: Quattro donnicciole

And if you can think what toppings an Angela Merkel pizza or even a Konrad Adenauer pizza would have on it, then you’re a better man than I am!


worm said...

brilliant! the ludwig one especially made me laugh!

On the merkel pizza would be something small, ugly and sour, so I'm voting for Gooseberries

Gorilla Bananas said...

Boris Becker - Ginger root and cat gut, with a few bogies sprinkled on top.

Lulu LaBonne said...

I tried a pizza parlour In Budapest once, ended up with a bit of dough full of baked beans, diced carrot and tinned pineapple, I called it the Jim Davidson

Nikos said...

And of course the Hermann Goering, extra thick crust and stuffed with pork pies sprinkled with cyanide...

Madame DeFarge said...

Would the Prescott be covered in egg?

Mary Ellen said...

Hilarious! I WISH I were witty enough to think up a couple.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Hi Worm, ah, I was hoping I could entice you to my blog! Ok, gooseberries it is for the Merkel (though I do find find gooseberries - and Angela Merkel - vaguely attractive).

Bananas, I'm not sure Boris was ever really a statesman - or had a battleship named after him - but a pizza with bogies sprinkled on top is an excellent idea.

Lulu, that's a shame, I'd have expected more from our Hungarian brethren. Yes, a pizza covered in sick should be called the Jim Davidson pizza.

Nikos, and laced with morphine as well and with a row of medals pinned on it.

Madame, lard, mainly, but egg can be bought as an extra topping if you wish.

Mary Ellen, thanks; I'm sure you can - have a go!

worm said...

gooseberries can indeed be made lovely with a dollop of cream, a sprinkling of sugar and some time in the oven - but can a Merkel? Im thinking that not even a litre of Slivovitz and a welding mask would break my resolve

Gaw said...

I've got a name for your pizza parlour (I think we need to squeeze some Deutschephilosophie into this). How about 'Thus Baked Zarathustra'?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Worm, she's a bit "mumsy", I agree, but given the usual good health and vitality of German women I reckon she could still go the distance, (Sorry, I've no idea where that came from...)

Gaw, haaaaaa, yes, we have to do it :-)

Camilla Jessop said...

My late Grandfather, a renowned TT racer, had a pizza named after him by Alessandro's in Douglas. It was The Edgar, and was half cheese on a tomato base, the other half being a chargrilled ham or bacon slice. It represented his boot after the accident he suffered.

Pearl said...

I don't know that I've had the Angela Merkel but I believe GW Bush had his nasty little hands all over it once, didn't he?


Gyppo Byard said...

How about a 1966 special? You could ritually ask "Is the cheese all over?" to which one's companion would dutifully reply "It is now..."

Gadjo Dilo said...

Camilla, "half cheese on a tomato base... chargrilled ham or bacon slice"? Good God woman, even Romanian pizzas are more interesting than that! An "accident" if you made the mistake of going in that pizzeria, I'd say.

Pearly, I don't think Dubya, bless him, knew what he was doing half of the time: Pizza, booze, dope, invading Iraq, it was probably all the same to him.

Gyppo, good grief I've almost forgotten what it is to be English, yes of course, a 1966 special. Just a shame I can't think of any good pizza-puns for Sir Alf's Wingless Wonders.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Chroma in Manchester did used to advertise it's "Pizza Anglesi," which was topped with bacon, fried egg, cumberland sausage, mushrooms and black pudding. I was seriously tempted to order one to see how far the joke went but I was under orders that on no account was I to do so.

They also did a wonderful "Pizza Parmentier" with spuds and rosemary.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Kevin, that Pizza Anglesi doesn't sound too bad, I wouldn't be too embarrassed to try it if I were you. And they could do regional variations like "Lancashire Hotpot pizza" and "Jellied Eels pizza", mmmm.

Gyppo Byard said...

Gadjo bor - that's really one for KFC, isn't it? "The Alf Ramsey bargain bucket - KFC's new wingless wonder!"

Gadjo Dilo said...

Gyppo, lateral thinking, excellent, I'll be straight onto the Colonel himself in the morning!

Joanna Cake said...

I dont really like pizza - cant abide cooked cheese... And nothing here is going to make me change my mind :P

Loving MrB's Boris Becker :)

Oh, for goodness sake, I said BECKER!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ms. Cake, well helloooo! I will try to do a future post all about Boris Becker, he is (rightly) popular.

No Good Boyo said...

Benighted Suceava has an excellent pizzeria where Madame Boyo and I once spent an evening planning the protracted execution of the author of Lonely Planet: Romania & Moldova for recommending the town.

These are all cracking suggestions, but I must protest at the ungallant comments about Frau Merkel. She has magnificent assets, as I detailed here:


How about the Ostpreussen? Made with the finest Baltic ingredients, but you have to eat a Polish hors d'oeuvre before getting to it.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Boyo, I've still to visit Suceava so can't really comment with authority. I reckon Angie is totally in with a chance, and all that salty Baltic food she's been eaten might mean she's a tasty kisser which is always a plus.

No Good Boyo said...

When you get there, Pizzeria Latino is the place to eat:


No commission, honest. Just thanks for making our stay pleasant.