Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Top Cats #1

The result of the votes counted after the Previous Moggie Post was that our two trencherman tabbies are now named Tanu and Ţuţica, the most Romanian names on offer, and already X is leaning how to mix dodgy cement and Y is seeing how much cheap gold she can fit into the gaps between her molars. And, hurrah, the miracle of childbirth has once again been visited upon the world! Somewhere. Ţuţica’s tummy is now full of milk rather than babies, though we have no idea where she’s put the latter. Mysterious. While we look for them, in honour of All Things Cat – for taxonomic reasons I’ve divided the contest into Feral and Fluffy - here’s my all time list of Five Favourite Feral Felines:

5: Tom off of Tom & Jerry

Only the episodes from the Fred Quimby era, of course, or Kevin would kill me, and rightly so. Not the most imaginative name for a cat, perhaps, but then he was EveryCat: playful, adventurous, soft-hearted, cowardly, greedy, but above all just very very violent.

4: Cat Stevens

Born Shakin’ Stevens to a Greek taramasalata salesman and a Swedish masseuse in London’s Welsh Quarter in 1948, he had a troubled youth not knowing who he was. Eventually he found solace in beard-wearing, in all its many fine manifestations, and changed his given name to something more hirsute-sounding. (With his peace campaigning and his moderate Islamic views he should maybe be a Fluffy rather than a Feral, but I fear I may need all 5 slots of the former for the kittens, when we find them.)

3: George Galloway out of Respect

A maverick, left-leaning politician with a following from Ken Loach to (at a guess, but for the man's sake I'm hoping not) Derek Hatton, when one fateful day in January 2006 he was seen purring and pretending to drink milk from a saucer. As a trained mime artist I respected him very much for this. He’s since confessed to suffering from felo-variant Kepler’s Syndrome, and has put himself on a special diet of Whiskas Junior as the first step in a rehabilitation programme.

2: Top Cat off of Top Cat

Pleasingly, exactly what is says on the tin: leads a mélange of alley cats in a constant scampery of foraging, romancing, rock ‘n’ rock and abuse of authority. Loosely based on Sgt. Bilko, apparently - indeed the actor playing Pvt. Doberman there voiced TC’s sidekick Benny - but with the leadership skills of Napoleon, Che Guevara and Mike Brierley all rolled into one. You’d follow this cat anywhere.

1: ”Cat” off of Red Dwarf

The coolest cat in the cat-basket. You might think I’m only saying that because he’s anthropomorphosised. But no, the comedy sci-fi show actually had it right: “Cat” is the Future of Felinism. A hundred or so years ago we became aware that Life Imitates Art, and now, I am sure, so will Evolution*; in 3,000,000 years I fully expect moggies to be standing on hind legs and wearing cyclamen-coloured zoot suits.

* Dilo, G. “Unnatural Selection: Post-Modern Evolution of Species”, PhD Thesis, University of Life, Cluj-Napoca, 2009.


20 comments:

Lulu LaBonne said...

Cat was my absolute favourite in RD.

You've set me thinking of all those other cats I loved, Bagpuss, Felix (not the cat food one) and mustn't forget Fat Freddie's cat.

Missing kittens hmmm - do you think next doors dachshunds have eaten them?

Gyppo Byard said...

Nice list. (The list is nice, that is, not necessarily everyone on it). I concur with making RD Cat No 1, and share Lulu's desire to see Bagpuss honoured in your second list. I trust Doraemon is going to make it onto the fluffy list too...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doraemon

Gorilla Bananas said...

What about Mrs Slocombe's Pussy? We never saw it, but it must have been good.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Lulu, I'm glad we agree on the virtues on the zoot-suited one! I must reaquaint myself with Fat Freddie's cat. I'll keep you posted about the kittens - still no sign of them.

Gyppo, thanks. I see there's strong support for Bagpuss, and he may make it on the "Fluffy" list but he's got some tough competition there. I confess I usually run a mile from Japanese Manga, but Doraemon does look pretty amusing :-)

Bananas, I thought you were supposed to be on holiday! Mrs Slocombe's pussy, hmmmm, I may have to start a list of metaphorical felines for that reason alone.

Scarlet-Blue said...

And Pussy Galore.
I also loved Cat from RD. Cool enough to wear orange with gangrene.
Sx

The Jules said...

Played by Danny John-Jules.

Gotta love a name like that.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Lulu's list is an excellent appendix to your own fine one. Fat Freddie's cat was fluffy in a static electric sort of a way. And GB and Scarlet are right to run the pussies up the flagpole.

I've been digging out some stuff for a tribute to John Geering that will feature Puss 'n' Boots.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

May I nominate Minnie Caldwell's Bobby. He is still seen in the opening credits of Corrie, although he must have died years ago.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Scarley, did he wear orange with gangrene? That's a pretty good joke, but no less than I'd have expected from Messrs Grant and Naylor.

The Jules, you're right, any surname composed of all first names is way cool, like "Terry-Thomas".

Kevin, glad all these appeals to you. Puss 'n' Boots - yowser!! - I was a Sparky kid through and through but never imagined that anybody else would remember those two!

Daphne, good call. You'd have thought there'd already be a Bobby on Equity's books and he'd have had to change his name to something like Bob E. Cat!

Alice Scradcza said...

I like Ernst Stavro Blofeld's cat. I expect it goes with him when he does the cricket commentary.

小貓咪 said...

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Gaw said...

I believe I plumped for the two names you went for! Is there a prize?

Nice work, GD. In fact, you're the boss, the tip, the championship...

I would like to see Top Cat re-made, but based on the Sopranos, rather than Bilko. I see Benny as Silvie, Choo Choo as Paulie, etc. Nearly as violent as Tom and Jerry.

The Fred Quimby brand must be one of the earliest indications of a quality product that children experience. What a guy, what a name.

Having two small children I'm becoming increasingly familiar with this world and am looking forward to the fluffy list.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Alice, is Ernst Stavro "Blowers" Blofeld still doing cricket commentary?? Can you give us a name of a cat that does welding? Come on, there must be one.

Mr 小貓咪, thanks for dropping by. Good one about the Manchurian the Szechuan and the Heilungkiangian, very amusing!

Mt Gaw, indeed, you supplied the winning answers in the naming competition and are due a kitten. Unfortunately we currently have a liquidity problem regarding kittens, but be assured you're first on the list when we get some more in. I looked Fred Quimby up on Wikipedia, as one does, and read that he had "no sense of humor to call upon" and his role was largely "turning down requests for bigger budgets"! I'd expected better.

Gyppo Byard said...

Personally, I'm impressed that Mr 小貓咪 managed to get the word SEX into his otherwise impenetrable (oo-er missus) posting.

Camilla Jessop said...

Whilst waiting for my Szechuan rabbit with Fukien-style samphire and egg-noodles at my friend Mie Lau's Eco-China Restaurant in Burstow, I chanced upon a dictionary and was able to translate some of Mr 小貓咪's post. It was the reference to 85cc that provided the key, and it would seem that he is a keen junior motorcross rider and wishes to know which model is best. For some strange reason, he feels that his sex-life will improve if he starts winning. So, if you are reading this Mr 小貓咪, I recommend the KTM SX85 - a fine, powerful little beast with an excellent pedigree.

Kevin Musgrove said...

If Mr 小貓咪 really wants to improve his sex life surely the best model is Dolly Mutterbucket. Leastways, that's what the postcard in the newsagent's window suggests.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Gyppo, saucy, I didn't spot that he'd gotten the word "SEX" in there!! But surely there must be a Chinese word for "sex" - given the population of that country you'd think so...

Madame Camilla, and thank you kindly for your translation. It's highly plausable, but there's another explanation: re the coincidence of "SEX" and "85cc", according 1970's pop-culture mythology 10cc is supposedly the amount of semen ejaculated by a chap, so Mr 小貓咪 clearly has in mind either several chaps or an altogether larger form of mammal. Parties of this description must surely be illegal in China, though that still doesn't explain why he's visiting my blog.

Kevin, Dolly Mutterbucket has now taken down that postcard and is trying live a respectable life. Mum's the word. The money's in the post.

Affer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Affer said...

Re Mr Squiggles: if it was 'several chaps', wouldn't 85cc imply 8 full-tossers and one bowling short of a length (to use a cricketing metaphor)? Perhaps Alice will know; she seems to understand welding AND cricket commentators.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Mr Affers, welcome to this blog - especially if you can keep up the cricketing metaphors! Looks like Mr Squiggles in on a "sticky wicket" with this. Alice indeed knows much diverse info, and welds it together in her comments with the skill of an artisan.