I felt it was time for something light-hearted after the white-hot intensity of the last few offerings. Yes, lacking issue of their own, the Dilos have gone gaga over a couple of walking-stomachs that present themselves at the door and for a bit of nosh will purr and chase balls of wool etc like complete tarts. Apart from needing food they also need names, and as I reckon I can make a bob from fellow felophiles I’m asking you, The Blogging Public, to choose the names! Just send me your choice with a postal order for £4.99 (or tins of Scoff-a-lot Venison Chunks in Bovril to the equivalent value) and you could win.... a kitten!!
CAT XDefinitely a male of the species, as he has an enormous pair of testicles of which he is (rightly) very proud. Absurdly friendly given he’s supposed to be feral and out and about pawing giant herring skeletons out of trash cans like on Top Cat. Choose from these names:
Tanu: Derived from “Motan”, meaning “tomcat”. Definitely the hardest name here and one he’d have to work hard to live up to, by taunting bulldogs and humiliating policemen (again, like on Top Cat).
Pufi: Pronounced “Poofy”, means “fluffy”... the least hardest name here. “If you have to get a cat, get one the same colour as your carpet” my Grandmother might have said. The fluff emanating from X is pretty much the same as our carpet, keeping cleaning chores to a minimum, so, thanks Gran.
Stinker: A name he’s already earned by his own efforts. Though fastidiously clean most of the time he “loses it” in moments of great excitement and the stench cannot be removed by any known means. Nothing wrong with those testicles then.
CAT YThe girlfriend/sister/mother of X, and apparently those things are not mutually exclusive... moving swiftly on... Has large tummy and prominent teats, so already pregnant, which explains why she likes the diet of salami, toast, spaghetti and taramasalata Mrs Dilo feeds her. Choose from these names:
Ţuţica: Derived from the Hungarian “Macska” (meaning “cat”), via Transylvanian dialect “Mâţa” (from the Hungarian, meaning “cat”), diminutivised and feminised to “Ţica”, pet-ified to “Ţuţica”. Obvious, really.
Musette: Apparently it’s from The Aristocats. I’m not convinced Y speaks French, but it does display a certain, classy, sang froid in situations not involving the opening of the fridge door.
Kitty DeLuxe: When in an ecstasy of wanting dinner starts wiggling about with eyes half-closed like an adult film actress. Also the name of the character memorably played by the lovely Megan Dodds in BBC TV’s Viva Blackpool.
Well it's not much of a contest if we have to choose from a list. What's wrong with 'Tosser' and 'Kitty'? Did they really come to your door and adopt you? Only the smartest cats do that.
ReplyDeleteAdmirably straightforward set of options, Gadj. I always go for plain vanilla, so my vote goes to:
ReplyDelete- the name derived from 'male cat' for the male Cat X
- the name derived from 'female cat' for the female Cat Y
Should avoid confusion all round. Just a suggestion, but perhaps you could name the baby cats with a name derived from 'baby cat' with the addition of a number up to the size of the litter to differentiate? The last bit though is a 'nice to have' and probably not really necessary. Best keep it simple.
I have my own cat problems! I don't need to win anymore! So I suggest they stay as Cat X and Cat Y.
ReplyDeleteSx
Or Tarquin and Pearl?
Hmm Gadj, your salesmanship is frank to the point of uselessness. Cat X is a clear candidate for a trip to the vet while Cat Y is one of those multi-buy offers that reminds one that less is more.
ReplyDeleteI knew a bloke called Pete Eastwood who kept hamsters. I asked him what they were called.
ReplyDelete"One and Two," he replied. "I'm a scientist. I don't like names, I like numbers."
Bear in mind that, whatever you call them, the cats have their own names - like Hengist Longclaw and Bartok the Voleslayer.
In fact, those are my two nominations.
Five quid and some horincă, vă rog.
All the cats I've ever owned had literary allusions to their names - Jeoffry and Mehitabel to name but two.
ReplyDeleteI would advise strongly AGAINST getting a cat the same colour as your carpet or vice versa, unless you like both the sound of a cat being trodden on and the feelings of guilt that follow.
I find it amusing when cats and dogs have very normal human names.
ReplyDeleteHow about Ian and Dave (Dave for the female, obviously).
In the spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation, what about Nicolae and Elena?
ReplyDeleteI like Dick and Fanny
ReplyDeleteThanks for your enthusiasm, guys - I half-expected to be derided for this, surely my wussiest post to day.
ReplyDeleteBananas, did you never prefer the multiple-choice exams at school over the ones where you actually had to think? Tosser is a great name for a cat though, and quite apt for X.
Gaw, initially I thought so too, but are gender-specific names still appropriate when we've chopped their bits off (as we surely must) after they've sprogged out this first batch? Nice idea for the babies: "Pui" is the usual name for a baby cat, but we'd have to watch them being born to get the numbering correct.
Scarley, yes, I read about your problems with the cat - and the ongoing gingerness! Are Tarquin and Pearl characters from TV?
Inky, in the grand scheme of things all salemanship is useless, as indeed are most of the things for sale. Don't worry, the vet's sharpening up the scalpel as we speak.
Boyo, great names - I reckon Vlad MagyarTaunter would be the local equivalent here. After a heavy night last night I'm all out of horincă, but I tell you what I'll stick a kitten in the envelope with the 5 quid. I can't say fairer than that.
Gyppo, ah, at last some culture! I fancy naming it Selima after Thomas Gray's charming poem Ode on the Death of a Favorite Cat Drowned in a Tub of Goldfishes: "What female heart can gold despise? What cat's averse to fish?"
Brit, I agree, very normal human names are a delicious irony that cats especially appreciate. But surely nobody should be called "Ian".
Daphers, hmmm... Nicolae is seriously referred to as "Our Former President" and so would be an OK name, but Elena could only be a name for a dog, and only one of those horrible yappy ones at that.
Alice, dear Alice, are there really types of welding called "Mig" and "Tig"? Maybe "Cooking Fat" means something special in Lithuanian? Does "pussy" mean something special in Lithuanian?
Lulu, we discover more about you with each comment you leave. Enchanté!
A deal!
ReplyDeleteVery Funny!
ReplyDeleteI've always been prone to "Bitey" and "Nibbler" when "Kitty" just won't do.
I vote for Tanu and Tutica. It appears to my need for illiteration.
Pearl
Dog and budgie. Just to confuse the neighbours. And the cats for that matter. I have no imagination and no pets. This may not be a surprise to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Betty, it seems that we agree on the small-pet thing; feel free to drop by any time.
ReplyDeletePearl, "Bitey" and "Nibbler" are indeed excellent names, though these two are now becoming so gluttonous that perhaps "Scoffer" and "Woofer" would be more appropriate. (Err, these may be British English terms...)
Madame, you're a constant source of imagination and surprises; don't put yourself down so. "Dog" and "Budgie" are in a long line of inappropriate animal names - remember the chimp called "Cheetah" in the Tarzan films?
A friend had a cat called Cat and a dog called Dog. The dynamic was ruined rather when they got a second cat and called that Cat, too.
ReplyDeleteMy brother had a cat called Strangeways, named after Peter Sellers' pet cat in 'Two Way Stretch.'
Kevin, is that "Cat, too" or "Cat two"? "Strangeways" is probably as evocative a name for a cat as it is for a prison!
ReplyDeleteWell, CICA (tzitza) is suitable for any female cat. It is like naming a female: WOMAN...
ReplyDeleteThat strange Steven Georgiou, who is a Greek-Cypriot Swede, had a cat called Dog. But to make up for it, then called himself Cat. Before, that is, he became Yussuf Islam. I don't understand this obsession with strange names - what is wrong with what one is born with? I am proud to be called Camilla which is a proper and suitable name for an English Gentlewoman. As to your dilemma, the only proper name for cats are things like Tiddles, and Fluffy, and Kitty.
ReplyDelete"Cat" and "Cat."
ReplyDeleteWhen he got married his wife put a stop to that sort of nonsense. A sensible lady of both Czech and Slovak parentage, she put her foot down.
Their cats were called "kočka" and "kočka."
I think Tarquin and Pearl should be TV characters - possibly champion ice skaters.
ReplyDeleteDid you see how I avoided using pussy? It's not normal for me.
Sx
Hi Richard, thanks for dropping by. This sounds Hungarian, and of course Zsazsa Gabor is the woman who springs to mind immediately!
ReplyDeleteCamilla, and hello to you too. Mr "Cat" Stevens probably grew up very confused being half-bubble/half-swede, and maybe "Yussuf", the name he chose on his conversion to Islam, is the Arabic word for "dog" (though I'm guessing not).
Kevin, ah, lucky man to have a lady of Czech and Slovak parentage - mistress and wife (respectively) rolled into one ;-)
Scarley, you are indeed avoiding your favourite word and are to be commended on that! Great idea about Tarquin and Pearl - a kids cartoon series about ice dancers - make a nice change from all those gender-stereotyped builders, firemen, etc.