Sunday, January 4, 2009

Nature Morte

On our New Year excursion Mrs Dilo managed to both slake her passion for dead animal and get some rugs for our new house*. Here they are, and of the pictures I took it was she who asked me to post this one, possibly the most coquettish, so don’t blame me:

Clockwise from her left earhole they are Estonian ermine, Belarusian badger, Norwegian Blue mink and Arctic monkey. At least that’s what the shepherd told us. I put it to him that they are all sheep, except number 2, which is a dog. But he retorted that arctic monkey is much favoured by Swedish royalty, that the “wisteria rinse” I’d remarked upon in number 3 is it’s natural winter colouration, that the simple urine-hued sheepskin I’d wanted is "very 2008", that style never goes out of fashion and that I shouldn’t be so jejune. Needless to say I parted with most of the money in my wallet in simple admiration at the audacity of the man.

* Oh, lordy, if this blog becomes like Radio 4’s Home Truths promise you will come over here and shoot me.


Kevin Musgrove said...

I grow my own on half-eaten pots of yoghurt in the fridge. One of the benefits of the bachelor life.

Barry Teeth, Beet Poet said...

That's a fit bird you got there Gadjie!

Gadjo Dilo said...

There are many benefits of bachelor life, Kev, but furry yoghurt surely can't be one of them!

Thanks Baz but, oh dear oh dear, I really was hoping it wouldn't go this way. This is not Readers Wives but a 46-year-old woman being very silly (oh shit, maybe that is like Readers Wives...gulp)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Clockwise from her left earhole they are Estonian ermine, Belarusian badger, Norwegian Blue mink and Arctic monkey.

What, no beaver? I find something rather wolfish about them.

Mrs Pouncer said...

As my admirers know, I have a musquash, a nutria, a fox collar and a sheared beaver. I applaud Mrs Dilo and claim her as a kinswoman.

Barry Teeth, Beet Poet said...

I like to see a bit of fur on a lady, up yours Naomi Campbell. Or Kate Moss, whatever.

Oh, Heather Mills, that's it. Up yours, Heather Mills! Slag!

Francis Sedgemore said...

Looks like roadkill from around Cluj. Have you checked closely for rubber residues?

In northern Finland drivers are obliged to carry a hunting knife in the glove compartment, with which to quickly despatch winged creatures of the terrestrial variety. And all children from four years up know how to skin an elk in half a dozen easy moves. How is it in Romania?

scarlet-blue said...

Beaver? Where, Mr Bananas, where? Are we doing Reader's Wives now? Do I have to take my clothes off and roll around on the seagrass? Okay then.

No Good Boyo said...

Barry's right, Gadj, she's a keeper. I'm pleased that Barry knows the Ukrainian vocative form of your name too. Maybe 2009 will be International Year of the Carpathians after all.

Some student type once told me it's ok to wear fur if you killed its original owner for food or in self-defence, or if you're from the official list of approved national minorities.

So that covers most of Eastern Europe and Finland, judging by its cuisine.

It was also the defence that Mrs Boyo's cousin Lyakhobiy used when the Slovak police found him cavorting around Windischgrätz naked save for his sister's scalp.

Gyppo Byard said...

Oh dear - the first comment that came to mind has been pre-empted by Gadjo's reply to Mr Teeth, while the mental image of Mrs Pouncer's sheared beaver will, I suspect, haunt me to the grave...

Happy New year anyway.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Well, that'll teach me (and teach Mrs Dilo too, who grossly underestimated the good taste of the blogging community). At least nobody mentioned beavers, I'm glad about that.

Heather Mills, slag, Barry. (Do you remember the Toy Dolls' "Deirdre is a Slag", by any chance?)

Francis & Boyo, as we got the lot for 30 quid I think it must either roadkill or the shepherd killed another shepherd for it. These things happen.

Happy New Year everybody!!

The Dotterel said...

And the very same to you, Gadj. What more is there to say?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Cheers Dot. There is in fact a lot more to say, but let's keep it simple for now!

Mrs Pouncer said...

Gyppo Byard! The image of my sheared beaver haunts many men, believe me, but this is essentially a Scarletesque exchange and rather beneath us. However, as she is off for essential repairs - as she calls them - I am donning her mantle and will be accepting all beaver/Brazilian/bap references on her behalf. Please label all references carefully, with full name and form teacher's initials.

Barry Teeth, Beet Poet said...

Mrs Dild is a good looking bird, but how does Mr Boyo know she plays in goal? I can see no clues in the photo, apart from a hint of Mad Goalie Stare, a la John "Budgie" Burridge.

Barry Teeth, Beet Poet said...

By the way, if you're keen on rare fur, get your eyes peeled for the following:

Peruvian yellow-tailed woolly monkey,
Horton Plains slender loris,
Miss Waldron's red colobus,
Sahamalaza Peninsula sportive lemur,
Grey-shanked douc,
Silky sifaka,
Brown-headed spider monkey,
Rondo dwarf galago,
and the Western Hoolock gibbon

All of which are in danger of imminent extinction.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ooer, thanks Mrs Pouncer but this getting a but too raunchy for me right now.

Good point, Baz. Actually her hair can sometimes look a bit like Ray Clements's circa 1974. Lets go get those critters - they've been getting much more attention than their numbers actually merit and as far as I'm concerned they've got it coming!

Kevin Musgrove said...

I should add the West Droitwich Howler to Barry's list. But only because it's cheaper than sending her a thank you letter.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Kevin please send me one, it sounds a delightful animal!