Thursday, October 29, 2009

Back on the Rock and Roll

Hi folks, I’ve been in a lousy mood because my boss has told me he won’t be renewing my contract when it expires in the New Year. Here (A) is what he actually said, (B) what he may have thinking, (C) what I was expecting to hear, and (D) the nightmare scenario:

(A) I want to thank you for your contribution over the last year and a half but I feel your skills are rather too narrowly academic for any future projects at this company and that we require people who are better suited to general computer work. I wish you all the best in finding another job.
(B) I have other employees who are younger (can’t argue with that, I’m the oldest git in the office by a long chalk), quicker (well of course they’re quicker at computing than I am, their minds are not burdened by the massive sense of fun and absurdity under which I‘ve been forced to labour every day of my miserable benighted life), and I pay them less (probably the clincher).
(C) Gadjo, this has been the most wonderful time of my entire life and though I have other employees they’re just children, they don’t know life like you and I do, they’re holding you back and (tears start to well up in his eyes) some times when you love somebody (totally losing control of his emotions now) you have to let them go.... fly, Gadjo, fly!!!
(D) Alright, Dilo, enough’s enough. I know you’ve tried but frankly you’re an over-educated twit, a fop and a smurf, and if I ever catch sight of your silly grinning face again – you think you’re funny but you’re not – I’ll personally see to it that you’re kicked out of this goddam khazi of a country for once and for all!!

Well, then of course the self-recriminations start: what if I hadn’t been late for that meeting, what if X hadn’t overheard me saying what I said to Y, what if I hadn’t pressed myself up against Z in the lift that time. But the boss is a very fair man, and I did try my best. It’s a f**king miserable feeling but I’ll not starve; I’m a tryer if nothing else, I can survive on very little, and I’ve worked long enough and been fortuitous enough to build up some financial security for myself and Mrs Dilo.

To herald my return to the dole office – assuming I was eligible to receive the 50p a week that would get handed out to me at the Romanian equivalent, which I don’t think I am - here’s a song from Half Man Half Biscuit’s LP Back in the DHSS:

22 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Commiserations, Sir Gadjo. I hope you find something better soon. Shouldn't a man of your education be teaching in a university?

Lulu LaBonne said...

Sorry about this news Gadj - I expect the boss felt threatened by your brilliance.

Ana said...

Gadjo -- I join Mr. Bananas and Lulu in expressing how sorry I was to read your bad news. I suspect, as do they, that you are just too smart. Better things lie ahead -- of that I am sure.

Oh, and if you need me to break any necks or stomp anything to death, just let me know.

Scarlet Blue said...

Sorry to hear your news - it's that kind of year.
Anyhow, perhaps you can borrow my new improved avatar to scare your boss witless?
Sx

Gaw said...

Having also experienced worklessness on and off over the last year or so I've concluded that the only thing to worry about is the money. The other stuff doesn't amount to a hill of beans. It sounds as if you've got the money boxed off - so regroup, then 'Forward to Berlin!'

Pearl said...

I am sorry to hear this, Gadjo. It is, as we say around these parts, a horseshit economy.

Pearl

Kevin Musgrove said...

Bad luck there sir. At the moment, most economies seen to be based on paying children pocket money to do jobs and then wondering why there's no consumer demand around.

I'm coming to that stage of my lack-of-career where, if the finances stacked up, I'd be inclined to see this as an early retirement opportunity.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Thanks everybody, yeah, it's not the end of the world, and it may very well be a chance for a new beginning, one door opens another door closes, etc.

Bananas, maybe I should be teaching at university, but when I went to the one here with all my certificates officially translated I was told (rather in the manner of that "Computer says no" character off of Little Britain) that they "only wanted Romanian citizens" :-(

Lulu, sadly the reverse would be more true: he's quite brilliant, not only technically but also at being a boss - I've rarely met anybody so professional (and yet so badly dressed...)

Thanks Ana, please come round this instant and stomp on everybody - or, better still, just come round with the look on your face that you might stomp on everybody, I'm sure that would be enough!

Hi Scarley, ooerr, that is a bit scarey, hmm, I think I also would be scared if that was my avatar!

Gaw, wise words as always, and sorry to hear you've also been on that particular roller-coaster ride. I can't complain, and as the wife's a nurse we're assuming she has a job for life. I shall indeed go forward; I'm not marching on Moscow though... always a mistake :-)

Pearly, a horseshit economy, very possibly, though I do actually need some horseshit at this moment to improve the soil in my garden ready for springtime!

Kevin, the idea of early retirement is indeed quite appealing, though I suspect the mrs would give an "old-fashioned look" if I announced this as my plan for the future ;-)

inkspot said...

Gadjo, I'm really sorry. Best wishes and good luck.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Bollockx (Belgian spelling). Sorry to hear this, not what you want to hear just before Christmas is it? I'm sure you'll find some way to get your hands on some of that EU money sloshing around down there. Have a word with your ALFA-CARTEL rep. Better still, I'll have a word with your ALFA-CARTEL rep.

The Jules said...

Crappy situation mate.

Remember, when one door slams in your face, consider going in through the window and stealing some staionary.

Best of luck.

Jules (The)

Gadjo Dilo said...

Thanks Inky, but don't worry, I always have a plan B, and C... and through to Z.

Daphne, I've never heard of them but, yes, please put in a good word for me!

The Jules, indeed, and the light at the end of the tunnel is the light of an oncoming train :-)

Ana said...

Gadj -- I'll be there presently. Would you prefer I wear my biker boots or my stilettos?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ana, your biker boots with stiletto heels, please!

Madame DeFarge said...

Crummy news. No insightful words of consolation, I'm afraid. But I hope he chokes on his bossly comfort.

No Good Boyo said...

This is a bad show, and typical of the commercial world. We need to get you into the BBC or some other drone-friendly zone immediately. One of the benefits of Eastern Europe, both Communist and pre-, was its swollen, useless bureaucracy, staffed with idiot nephews and smirking, pomaded ponces. I'm disappointed if things have changed. Curse you, EU!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Madame, he's actually a chap for whom I have a great deal of respect, a technocrat, and one who I think - though his company is now worth millions - doesn't spend too much on comforts.

Boyo, thanks a lot for your consideration. But he's actually an American - cleverly outsourcing his computer work to people here who earn a fifth the wage of his compatriots - and so the office is a little bit of New York rather than Eastern Europe proper!

No Good Boyo said...

"the office is a little bit of New York rather than Eastern Europe proper!"

So you don't even get the fringe benefit of lacklustre sexual harassment.

Brit said...

Commiserations. I've no idea what the Romanian job market was like, so I will only say, good luck.

Gyppo Byard said...

That sucks. Still, there's always TEFL...

M C Ward said...

I was going to mention TEFL too, but I didn't want to be the one responsible. Sorry to hear about your predicament, but as one door closes another one opens - which I've never really understood, because if it's a prison cell, it only has one door and if you're on the inside, then you're a bit stuck. I'm sure you'll find something with your brains and Mrs. D's connections.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Boyo, I am the lacklustre sexual harassment. I tell them, "Look, this is how business is done in The West, so you'd better learn to enjoy it or I won't put a good word in with my friend Mr Gordon Brown and you won't get that UK work permit".

Thanks Brit. The Romanian job market in this town has been very buoyant, with foreign companies outsourcing their computing and customer services operations here - like India but nearer, with a language that sounds like French, and food that does give you the craps every time; but I fear that buoyancy may now be coming to an end.

Gyppo, indeed there is, and that's one of my new ideas, I've no idea how I'd manage but it'd be interesting.

Wardy, nice to hear from you again in my hour of need! True enough, if the "other door" is inaccessible or situated a long way from you then whether it opens or closes is of little help. With Mrs D's brains and my looks I may just be able to get an (unpaid) job on a pig farm a la Reginald Perrin.