Wednesday, March 31, 2010

April Fools

On this bright and hopeful April 1st morn I’ve just thought of some great ways to fool myself so as I can stagger on through another week or so:

I do currently have a career, it just hasn’t got a name yet.

I have mastered the Romanian language, and being informed, as I was recently, that it’s sometimes necessary to use the dative and accusative cases together should not disabuse me of this opinion.

I am a witty and fascinating personality, and if only the cat seems to recognise this then that will suffice.

My country - from which I am so painfully estranged - is still run by noble paragons of the Bulldog Breed – people like Churchill, Gladstone, Cromwell, Alf Garnett.... – and to be born an Englishman is still to have drawn first prize in the lottery of life.

I will leave something to posterity after I’m gone, maybe not in the shape of offspring or revolutionary ideas that have changed the world, but Battersea Dogs Home at least can expect a little something from my estate.

Happy Passover/Easter/Vernal Equinox everybody!!


Gorilla Bananas said...

Why do people never mention Freddie Starr in their lists of great Englishmen?

Scarlet Blue said...

Goodness! What a lovely pussy!

Lulu LaBonne said...

I spend most of my life fooling myself - this morning I decided to face reality, I gave my mini skirts to the charity shop.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Bananas, Freddie Starr, you're right, the greatest Prime Minister we never had!

Scarley, he's gorgeous isn't he, and so soft and fluffy.

Lulu, that's a shame! And anyway, do charity shops really have the sort of clientele that buys mini-skirts??

worm said...

you're going to give the cat to Battersea dog's home when you die?

M C Ward said...

May this blog live on forever!

Scarlet Blue said...

Like Lulu, this morning I bought some precision bathroom scales. I have also being fooling myself. About 7lbs.

Gaw said...

At least it's bright over there. It's pouring with rain and freezing here. And is expected to remain so for the weekend. Boo.

Pearl said...

Every Englishman I've ever met has believed that he has won the native-country lottery.

I love that. :-)


Gadjo Dilo said...

worm, yep, it's all in me last and testament; it'll be me last gesture to an uncaring world.

Wardy, old bean, this blog will indeed live forever, if only because of my refusal to ever give anything up, a personality failure that has blighted me my entire miserable life.

Scarley, there's your mistake right there: you don't want "precision" scales, you want scales that might be 7lbs off either way!

Gaw, but good for the garden eh what? When I say I'm from England, near London, Romanians always ask me "Is raining all the time there, yes?"

Pearl, yes? I'm surprised, though strangely heartened by what you say - many English people I meet seem to have lost all idea of pride completely.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Now if you want a British bulldog, you should have heard Bob Crowe the head of the RMT (train drivers union) driving John Humphreys to distraction on the Today programme this morning.

Crowe: "Rigged? You said the ballot was rigged?"
Humphreys: "No ... I said people may suspect the ballot was rigged ..."
Crowe: "You said the ballot was rigged!"
Humphreys: "No I didn't, I said some people may suspect that it was."
Crowe: "But you said the word rigged! I demand you make a formal apology for saying the ballot was rigged!"
Humphreys (sounding tired): "But I didn't say .... oh never mind."

That's the spirit of the Battle of Britain. Bob Crowe for PM!

Happy Easter to you and yours. That includes the cat.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Daphne, strewth, what are we like, eh? At least with Jimmy Knapp you couldn't understand a word he was saying - I think I'd be happier with him as PM, if only for that reason.

The cat thanks you kindly for your Easter wishes; it's been informed of its eventual fate via its solicitors and is determined now to try to be nice in the hope that I might change my mind.

Anonymous said...


No Good Boyo said...

It least it doesn't have the accusative of respect any more. What was all that about? Some progress since Roman times.

Pat said...

'have mastered the Romanian language, and being informed, as I was recently, that it’s sometimes necessary to use the dative and accusative cases together should not disabuse me of this opinion.'

Someone asking to be omitted from the Christmas card list I fancy.
Have a good holiday week-end

Susan said...

Not sure Battersea Dogs Home accept scary looking Romanian mountain cats..

Gadjo Dilo said...

玉苓, thanks to you too, matey boy.

Boyo, the "accusative of respect"?? Arses. No wonder they lost their bloody empire!

Pat, you have a good one too. There ain't no Christmas card list for foreigners who've learnt Romanian, merely a look of disbelief... which actually is in itself quite gratifying.

Susan, that cat really isn't all that scary, in fact it's rubbish: it only ever picks fights with it's mother and even then always loses :-)

Eryl Shields said...

You are foolish in a most entertaining way.

Kevin Musgrove said...

The Englishman abroad hangs onto the belief in their supremacy because they can still picture a land full of milk and honey and Nicholas Parsons.

May the Easter Hamster smile on you, Gadjo!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Eryl, thank you very kindly indeed!

Kevin, milk and honey and Nicholas Parsons?? So it wasn't just a dream then! I hope you have a good break too.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

And the same to you, but mind you - these cats are notoriously unreliable and will say anything for food ;-)